Roy Lichstenstein is one of my favorite artists; I find his pieces simple and yet profoundly emotional. Plus, they are fun!
I am going to use his works to express my feelings of recent events in my life.
Just 3 weeks ago today, my 37 year old partner, Todd, had a sudden and destructive major systolic failure, aka a heart attack.
It threw our life into chaos, confusion, fear, and frustration.
After a week in the hospital, we had to face life with major changes and unknowns for what the future holds for Todd's health, his heart, and our life.
We both want to do all that we can to prevent another wallop to his heart.
We are so grateful for wonderful health professionals, advances in cardiology, and fantastic health insurance to help us with this goal.
Of course we are grateful for one another as well, we both have done our best to help one another cope and move forward. Todd has been very brave and willing to sacrifice little things to have a big life.
Dietary change was already on our radar, but now even more foods are dangerous and need to be limited or eliminated. I am now disgusted and angry at many foods.
Even though we have been out of the hospital two weeks, we are still catching up on everyday tasks at work and home. It is discouraging, but I try to cut us some slack. We have put extra emphasis on taking care of ourselves by relaxing, walking, and taking time for ourselves to focus on the more important parts of life- the things that make life grand.
Despite all my best efforts, I still feel out of control. I am drowning in a sea of new information, new concerns, and delayed day-to-day tasks.
I have been exhausted and out of sorts, so aggravated with things I cannot influence. I worry about Todd. I mourn the loss of our prior life and plans. Sometimes I feel very alone and scared.
Through it all, we have been so lucky to have the care and support of family, friends and colleagues. We are so grateful!
We are so lucky to have loved ones who have sent cards, called, brought flowers, made and shared meals, sent resources for sustainability, scrubbed our kitchen, put together care packages, shown patience, shared hugs, taken over managing repairs on our home, helped carry things, assisted in work, sent cook books, shared inspiring stories, LISTENED, and overall just have shown that they value Todd and I.
Everyone has brightened our lives! We are reminded that we can get through this and we do not have to do it alone.
Support from everyone has made me feel loved and hopeful, helped me to feel stronger. I believe Todd would agree.